Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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