Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
