guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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