I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
