You're so nebulous sometimes
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize