please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
