My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
