3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
