Sry I called you an 8
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
