Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
