the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I died a long time ago.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
