i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
