4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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