All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
