So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
