i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I believe in your delicious
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
