I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize