Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
