That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
