Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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