Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
