new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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