dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
