Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
