He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
