i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
