Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
