Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
