WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize