Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
