Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
