I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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