it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
