Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
