the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize