Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
