and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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