I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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