there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize