Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
