My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
