Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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