Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
