u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
