I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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