I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize