You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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