Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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