There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
