so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
