and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
