And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
