i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
