I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
