My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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