Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
