Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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