your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
