she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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