ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We were destined to go to rehab together
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
