The maid of honor just puked.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
